One of the first posts I’d written here included a list of things to never say to anyone experiencing infertility or miscarriage. Included in that list was comments such as “it’s for the best” or “it’s meant to be”. Those comments are often difficult to hear and minimize the pain. But lately I’ve been thinking, what if that was true? Please bear with me. I know that thank Gd, I’ve received my miracle so it’s easier for me to play this game but just think for a second. What if we were able to fast forward and see the reason for life’s struggles? Granted, this kind of thinking takes a lot of faith and spirituality, and requires one to believe there is a purpose for everything. But if you believe that and were able to understand it, would you deal with the tragedy any better? Would you ache any less? Would we be more accepting of the hardships and tragedies in life if we could see the end result?
I found out I was miscarrying on a Friday and given that Shabbas (Sabbath) was in a few hours, there was nothing I could do at that point but wait and see if the tissue would pass on its’ own. If it didn’t, I could contemplate getting a D&C. And so I lit candles Friday night, and throughout the entire Shabbas, I prayed for a miracle. With tears in my eyes, I begged Hashem (Gd), “Please let this baby be okay. Please let this be a mistake and let there be a heartbeat.” In the end, sadly, Hashem didn’t answer my prayer.
Or did He? I once read a story (I can’t remember the source) where a little girl keeps davening (praying) to Hashem for a bicycle for her birthday. Following her birthday, her friend excitedly asks, “So, did Gd answer your prayers?” to which the girl responded “Yes”. When the friend requested to see the bike, the girl responded, “I didn’t get a bike”. Confused, her friend asked for clarification. The little girl said, “Gd answered me. The answer was “no””.
Hashem answered my prayers when I miscarried. The answer was just “no”. It wasn’t the answer I wanted or expected but it was an answer. In an article I recently read (Why I’m Grateful God Didn’t Answer My Prayer), the author shares a similar feeling she felt after she found out that the baby she miscarried had a chromosomal abnormality. “All that time I had been praying the wrong prayer. The embryo that had begun to grow inside of me never could have grown into a baby…. Allowing it to continue to grow would have been disastrous…..God knew that. He had the whole picture, while I only had a tiny part.”
It’s often difficult to believe in Gd throughout tragedies. And it is nearly impossible, in the midst of difficult circumstances, to see the road ahead and to think there may be a purpose in all the pain. It takes a very special and spiritual person to accept this. But I challenge you to try, just try to remain steadfast in your faith and believe that Gd is indeed listening to, and answering, our prayers. It may not be the answer you want. For whatever reason, He may be saying “not now” or “not yet” or “not this time” but He knows best. And I pray that whatever struggle you endure, that your wishes align with His plan and that soon, He will say “yes” to whatever you are seeking.
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Attn: Bergen County, NJ Residents
Please join us on March 20th for "Bergen County 4 Bonei Olam" to help make miracles! You will be entertained by master mentalist and magician, Oz Pearlman (America's Got Talent finalist), enjoy a lavish buffet, and hear all about the amazing ways that Bonei Olam helps childless couples experiencing infertility. Funds raised at this event will go directly to helping Bergen County residents in their struggle to conceive. Be a part of this incredible cause and help your neighbors dreams come true !!
Sunday, March 20th, 2016
8:15 PM Keter Torah 600 Roemer Ave